Trifecta Writing Challenge

In the light of day, it was nothing remarkable.  Closely packed driveways each leading to a carport, a repeating pattern which seemed to go on forever, pierced by the sun only when it was straight up in the sky.  On Tuesdays, the trash bins moved from their slots under the carports to the tall, wood slat fence directly opposite where the trash collectors could easily dump the contents.

In summer, the black asphalt reached a temperature so hot by midday heat waves formed mini mirages of water puddles down the length of the alley.  Cracks gave way to the occasional dandelion, a temporary yellow dot in a sea of black and brown.  Jacaranda trees evenly interspersed, growing on the other side of the fence spread their branches over the narrow space providing occasional lacy spots of shade.

It was here under their lush purple blooms of spring their first kiss was shared.  Gentle, tender, and full of promise.  Her lips were full and inviting, beckoning his own closer and closer.  Eyes as blue as the ocean’s depths sparkled when they looked into his own.  Hair as black as a raven and skin so white, he had thought his heart would burst from the need that consumed him.

That spring seemed a lifetime ago.  A lifetime during which the only thing he’d cared about had been taken from him.  His soul had been stripped away not once, but twice in this seemingly unremarkable alley, beneath the Jacaranda where her life’s blood and the very essence of his soul stained the asphalt.  He would not return again.

This is my entry for week 31 of the trifecta writing challenge.  The challenge is to write 33-333 words including one given word, and it’s third definition as listed in the dictionary.  The given word for this week was alley:  3: a narrow street; especially : a thoroughfare through the middle of a block giving access to the rear of lots or buildings.  If you’d like to try out the trifecta challenge, click on the link above and follow the guidelines.

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34 Responses to Trifecta Writing Challenge

  1. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    A very beautiful but sad story, very nicely written. :)

  2. Imelda says:

    How sad. But beautifully written. :-)

  3. lauriejlong says:

    I am so entering this as soon as I get access to a fully-functioning computer! :) Nice post!

  4. Elisa says:

    Wow, that is powerful. I didn’t want it to end!

  5. terry1954 says:

    that was very good…………is this something anyone can enter?

    • Yes. At the bottom I put the link and the name–trifecta writing challenge. Just click on the trike or the name and it should take you to their page. Happy writing!

  6. terry1954 says:

    i see it at the bottom, how to enter, sorry didn’t read far enough down

    • It’s O.K. I wasn’t sure whether or not I could put it at the top, and thought it might get lost at the bottom. Now I’ve seen I can put it at the top. Next time…

  7. jmgoyder says:

    Wonderful writing!

  8. robincoyle says:

    Lovely. Perfect. Wonderful.

  9. Excellent entry and story…..Diane

  10. Carrie says:

    This was definitely a sad tale. You painted the image of the alley so nicely, I could picture it in my mind.

    Small critiques: you use the same words close together so be sure to read it over, maybe even outloud and try to find ways of saying it differently. I could see this being much tighter and crisper.

    Overall a very heartbreaking scene, young love destroyed.

    • Thanks for stopping by. I know, I should have reread it more thoroughly. I hate when I do that. I was panicked about making it by the deadline, and I didn’t give it the attention it deserved. My first one though, so next time, I’ll be more careful. Thanks for pointing out the flaws. Always good to have a crit!

  11. jannatwrites says:

    I love your vivid descriptions (mini mirages of water puddles in the heat, dandelions in cracks, lacey spots of shade, etc.) What a sad ending, though.

  12. Trifecta says:

    Thanks so much for linking up with Trifecta` this week. Welcome to the challenge! And way to enter with a bang. I really enjoyed this piece, particularly the first two thirds of it. Your descriptions were so powerful and so lovely, it was impossible to not be transported to the alley. I grew up in Florida, and these descriptions felt very “Florida” to me. Beautiful. Hope to see you back again for the weekend prompt (which is posted on Friday and has some different rules).

    • Thank you! It was fun, and I’ve never done that before. The end was a little week and sorta fell off the grid. Can’t wait for next weeks! Contemplating the weekend one.

  13. Madhu says:

    That was so heartbreaking :-( Beautifully crafted Arnel.

  14. libby says:

    Amazing story. I really liked the description at the beginning. You painted such a picture…

  15. deniz says:

    Oh fun blogfest! Love the mood of this piece.

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