I’ve been fairly quiet the last couple of weeks with regards to posting. There are a few reasons for this, the biggest of which has been the murder/suicide of a family we knew from my kids school.
But other things intrude as well, and I admit, I’m not all that adept at handling multiple stresses at the same time. I wonder if God gets tired of my constant streaming of prayers. I wonder if he’s up there saying, “You? Again? Didn’t I make you stronger than that?” At the same time I know He wants us to share our burdens and grief so there is a constant internal struggle going on.
I find I’m snappish with others, especially if I feel they aren’t doing their job to the capacity that I think they should be doing it. This makes me feel inferior that I don’t have more patience, and thus even worse as a child of God who should know better. Add the constant political wars and campaigning going on (we’ve had to ban any political conversations from our house), the uncertainty of the future, feeling like my dad’s estate will never be finalized, worrying about everything life brings to any given family and I’m constantly feeling like I’m drowning.
Yesterday my bible study started up again with a Beth Moore study titled, James, Mercy Triumphs. The great thing about Beth Moore is, she is so easy to identify with. Almost every study I’ve ever done of hers, I felt like I was being nudged by God Himself, that he was talking to me through her. I’m not alone in this. I’ve spoken to many women who feel that way–not to leave you guys out on purpose, but she does women’s studies. In any event, the last year or so, my bible study group has branched out and done other studies as well. Andy Stanley is awesome as well as many others. But this fall, we decided we missed Beth Moore and reinstated her as the bible study we would continue with.
So I was not surprised to feel that sense again, that she was addressing the very things I was struggling with. On the last page of the introduction, she says,
“Have the courage to live under strains and pain to be part of a better story. A larger story. Don’t wimp out.” ~Beth Moore
Is it any wonder that this study happened to come out now? That I resolved to continue with bible study given how I was feeling? That on the very first day, I heard a message that was so loud and clear, and so relevant? No, because I believe that is the mystery of God. I believe that is how He works in our lives. We don’t know when He will reveal Himself to us, and we don’t know how. We just have to have faith that He’s there.