So many thoughts, and no words to say them with. I’ve been befuddled, perplexed and even fearful. I don’t know if it is right to share publicly what is personal family trauma. If it happened to me and I want to write about it, do I have an obligation to others involved to keep my trap shut?
I’ve been struggling with this for weeks now. I’ve started several posts that I have discarded. I have theories up the yingyang, philosophies that would astound Sophocles, and ideas that would curl most people’s hair. But knowing if I have the right to tell what I think is as illusive as the fairy basslet fish I’ve been trying to photograph all week.
This conundrum has silenced my writing wit for the past several weeks. It has broken my heart and left me on my knees begging God to wave a magic wand over the individual who has me in such straights. No, it is not hubs nor my children. It is my brother.
I’ve written letters to him I will probably never send. I believe, rightly or wrongly I don’t know, that something happened to him when he was very young. And it was irreparable. A brilliant mind was shattered, and the soul that was left was plunged into a life of unimaginable misery. I don’t know the complete truth, but would dearly love to hear it. Maybe I’m being a simpleton. Maybe I’m the one with the problem, unable to believe that someone could stray so far down a horrific path without just cause. I don’t know what to believe, and I am extremely short on answers and wisdom. I only know that it is so painful to watch him suffer, even if it is his own doing. It’s even more difficult to acknowledge that not only is it not up to me to save him, but understanding that even if it were, I could not.
And that leaves me with prayer. For whatever happens, the answer will be in prayer.
I will pray, too.
Thank you Pat. Sometimes its the only thing left I think, because we forget to go there first.
I will add your brother in my prayers. God can perform miracles, you always remember this
Thank you Terry. I do always remember that. But I also remember that it’s His decision.
Hard to like this post, but I hope you know it means I am here for you. You are stronger than what you give yourself credit for. Look at all you have been through and are still standing, nurturing your boys, a loving wife, and a dear friend. You WILL get through this.
Thanks Robin. I appreciate your words of comfort. I sent you an email–hope you got it!
Prayer…always prayer…I’m in a similar “state” right now but for different reasons. Let’s just pray
Good idea, MTH. Thanks.
I’ll join you in prayer. God heals all…eventually.
Thank you SSM. I truly appreciate it. It’s surprising how it comes sometimes though…
I am so sorry – I thought something must be wrong.
Thank you Jules. It’s been a very rough month. Hope you are doing well.
I always believe the prayers of a pure and sincere heart are always answered. Thank you for sharing Arnel. Hugs, Sharon
Thank you Sharon. I believe so too, although I know it’s not always the answer we want.
So many times in my life, I got to your same conclusions. But only learnt to accept it of late which I consider as the gift of age. It is a beautiful post and very well expressed, thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much. Age does have a way of shaping us and our thoughts, ideas, expressions and conclusions.
I think we can share ‘something’ even if we don’t share ‘everything’ about a situation…I’ve done it.I did tell my family when I started blogging I would not be so specific as to ever embarrass them. But to share something heavy on your heart such as this conundrum you find yourself in I thing is right because prayer is the best answer.
Also if something in your brother’s past is damaging him so much within and he won’t share the total truth as he sees it with you….I would hope he would seek out someone who can help him…maybe that’s what I’ll include in my prayer for him..but for you ..no you can’t ‘solve’ his problem but I will pray for that knot in your stomach to ease and for peace to replace it…Diane
just as an aside there is a blogger who has been through abuse (if that is the issue) and actually has a forum for exchanging information and feelings etc etc. I will give a link to her site and you can perhaps even yourself ask information or she may share her email….I’ll do it in a minute because I’ve typed all this and don’t want to lose it and start again…my brain never works twice te same way lol I may be misinterpreting what the issue is so feel free to tell me if I have…Diane
Thank you for the prayers and kind words Diane. Time solves many things. That and prayer…
Here is her link and since she shares her email on her information I will give it to you too in case you want to privately talk to her….tell me if I’m off base ….Diane
http://buckwheatsrisk.com/
her email is tellsafe@hotmail.com
Thanks Diane. I’m not sure what it is, truthfully. Could be anything…
i’m so sorry about your brother…i can relate with my sister. if you you ever want to chat my email is http://www.tellsafe@hotmail.com
Thanks!
Sorry you are so troubled. Keep your head up, A. This, too, shall pass. XOXO
Thanks. Eventually it will…
Sometimes there’s an outside agency that causes the mental problems. Sometimes it’s a biochemical quirk in his system. Sometimes it’s I don’t know what.
You just have to support him as best you can. And, as many others have said, it’s not you. You didn’t cause this, you can’t really cure it, you can only do what you can.
Thanks, AFW! I know this, but it’s really hard sometimes to make it stick. Just keep reminding myself.
And sometimes that even works…
When we are lucky…
know that you and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers Arnel.
Thank you TW!
There is power in prayer, expect great things!
There is great power in prayer. But also we must accept that our prayers are not always answered the way we wish.
How true! And sometimes the answer is amazing, beyond anything we imagined.
Possibilities we never even considered…
So sorry about your brother….shall pray for you both.. Take care Arnel.
Thank you Madhu. Much appreciated!
I’ll keep you in my prayers, Arnel {{hugs}}
Thanks Deniz.