Just a note: As often happens with writing, sometimes what is in my subconcious comes out of its own volition. As such, this has become a dedication to all the spiritual people who have touched my life–especially my bible study group. Without their gentleness, goodness and kindness, I would be lost.
The topic of the day is: What Gets Better With Age that you Didn’t Think Would, and What Doesn’t Get Better With Age that You Thought Would?
What has gotten better with age that I thought would not? My view of myself. I used to think, up until about 6 years ago that I was an inherently bad person who made pretty much all bad decisions, said all the wrong things, couldn’t possibly be a good friend, good mother, good wife, or even a good pet owner (the cat is doomed). I couldn’t quite figure out why anyone would like me, including God. I was convinced I wasn’t worth bothering with, because I simply didn’t deserve it, had done nothing in this life that would warrent going to Heaven, in short, was not inherently good. I constantly measured myself against everyone I knew, and always came up short. It would bother me that people would come up to me and take a look at my three babies and say, “Oh, you for certain have a special place in Heaven,” because I knew I did not.
Then I was invited to a bible study, about 7-1/2 years ago. This phenomenal group of women, along with Beth Moore, have shown me a different way of thinking. They embraced me as a fellow sister–a child of God, and shown me who God really is. They are not afraid to gently point out flawed thinking, hold a hand that is in dispair, share in joy as much as disappointment and examine the word of God and all it’s mysterious meanings. In this journey they have shown me that all the things I thought made me a bad person, do not. They simply make me me, albeit a little impatient (O.K., a lot at times), a little closed minded, a little quick to temper–but NEVER unlovable by God. All I have to do is share with Him daily, ask for forgiveness for my sins (because everybody sins), and work towards living a Christ centered life.
It doesn’t. I think in some ways, with some things, it can get worse. Unless you stay focused on God. But then, staying focused on God I thought would get eaiser, but it doesn’t either. It takes constant effort and committment. Which brings me back to the bible study gals. Having that committment once a week in my life helps me remember what road I want to be on. Because it is a choice. Sometimes I desparately want to choose another path. But then I think of this wonderful group, their warm smiles, their laughter, their committment to the Word, and I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.
Besides that, they can all cook like nobody’s business. Who would want to miss that?