Grass and STD’s

Last spring I started drinking this health food drink called shakeology.  Many of you may know about it, but it is sold on BeachBody websites as “The Healthiest Meal of the Day.”  I have no doubt.  Only problem is, when something claims to be the healthiest thing you can drink, it most likely will taste like it too. Think Rene Russo in The Thomas Crown Affair when she pours the green stuff in

the glass and Dennis Leary makes a face and asks, “What is that stuff?” and she looks at him deadpan and says, “You don’t want to know.”  Well, this particular concoction has several grasses in it, and the greenberry flavor is sort of a pea green.  Appropriate since it also has pea powder.  I prefer the chocolate flavor myself, but when mixed with the appropriate things, the greenberry is tolerable.

Well, I had sort of gotten out of the habit of drinking it when I began training for my marathon, because it has a low glycemic index, and since I was burning around 7000 calories a week extra, it just wasn’t working for me.  But now that I’ve become a slug again, I thought I should try to “get healthy” and start it up again.

The boys think this is the most vile thing on earth.  I love to mess with them, and after blending it up I will frequently hold my glass close to their face and say in an exaggeratedly enticing tone, “Want a drink?”  They respond by jerking away as though I was asking them to kiss a live viper, making a face and saying, “No way!”

So this morning it was Bugs I caught, who was already in a bad mood.  He frowned even harder and walked away.  We got in the car and drove away with me entertaining thoughts of their responses while sucking down the green sludge through my straw (if you smell it when you drink it, you’ll think you’ve become some sort of grazing animal so you have to have a glass with a lid and straw).

So I barely hear on the radio that there is some report about the bill in the house regarding the requirement for women to get an ultrasound before they have an abortion, when Buzzard pipes in, “So, what’s the deal?  They want women to get an ultrasound before they get an abortion?”

I can hear the confusion in his voice.  Clearly he can’t figure out why congress would want this.  “Well,” I say, “What I heard is that they think that if a woman has an ultrasound and actually sees the baby, they will change their mind.”  I sound as unconvinced by this line of logic as anyone can, and then add, “It’d be cheaper if they just use birth control.”

Roo, in his undeniable practicality says, “No, what would be the cheapest solution for everyone is abstinence.  And after all the STD pictures in health class, that’s not going to be a problem for me.”  He then leans slightly forward from the back seat and says shaking his head in disgust, “This one guys pickle and eggs were green!  Completely GREEN!  How does that happen?”

This of course, morphed into a discussion of all the STD’s.  Then Roo says, “What I don’t get is how did it get started if it’s passed by sexual transmission?”

I looked at him in the rear view mirror.  “You mean like which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

He looked at me quizzically.  I shrugged and said, “That’s a good question,”  but what I was really thinking was, like the drink, you REALLY don’t want to know.

This entry was posted in Brothers, comedy, Family, Mothers of Multiples, Post of the Day, Sons and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Grass and STD’s

  1. Patti Ayer says:

    You crack me up! Thanks for the laugh!!

  2. Kari says:

    That was funny! Sounds like some of my crazy car conversations with my back seat!

  3. i mayfly says:

    love it.
    BTW Mot balked at joining me on the green drink wagon, too. I finally convinced him to close his eyes and gulp it down like a big boy. Now he asks for it because he feels so much better within 5 minutes. A miracle. If I hide it in a smoothie with frozen fruit & chocolate powder or coffee he thinks he’s getting desert. Being sneaky sometimes pays off.
    And thank you for giving me a look; it’s nice to meet you.

    • Nice to meet you too! How old is your son? Good job getting him to drink it. I think when they are teenagers, they trust you less.. 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I was reading yours, are you incorporating story telling? Or is it autobiographical? I loved what I read and will be reading more.

  4. journeyman1977 says:

    I like Roo’s way of thinking! smart kid.

      • journeyman1977 says:

        kudos to you and your husband for the great job done with your boys 🙂

      • Thanks! It hasn’t always been easy. The baby years were a nightmare with all the developmental and health issues. But once we got past that, and past middle school, it’s been pretty fun.

      • journeyman1977 says:

        time to enjoy the ride mom….i’m too chicken to be a parent

      • Maybe one day. It’s very rewarding in a lot of ways. And having two with a diagnosis of autism, you really learn to appreciate what and who they are and are forced to give up your own dreams for them. Then life just becomes about being who you are capable of being, which is a good thing. 🙂

      • journeyman1977 says:

        i love what you just said, Arnel. You’re kick ass, hope you know that!

      • Thanks. Mostly I don’t, but sometimes I think I’m O.K. When I got married, the videographer gathered my bridesmaids and interviewed them as a surprise in the video. And I was, because three of them had traveled from CA, and had known me a very LONG time. He asked them why they would come so far for a wedding, and what was it about me that demanded that loyalty. Their answer surprised me. They all agreed that it was that I “saw truth”, and knew it for what it was, and that I wasn’t blind to life and the world. It’s the best thing anyone’s ever said about me. I appreciate your comments too! I truly pray that you are able to make your way home…

      • journeyman1977 says:

        your bridesmaids were spot on. I can’t help but comment! 🙂 Your posts radiate humanity like none I’ve encountered! Humanity and life and living and you name it….huge hug…I’m just happy to know you even if it’s just on this platform. And thanks for those prayers, Arnel….I need them. Got this whole country against me.

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