17 years ago today, at 2:05 PM, my husband and I welcomed into the world our oldest son.
In some ways, Bugs has been eclipsed by his twin brothers coming so soon after him, something that seems quite unfair at times. Bugs is quiet, and very sensitive. He is the child that thinks of everyone else, which in the early years translated into a gift for each of his brothers on every field trip, giving away his snack to the child who didn’t have one, and later, a wisdom and ability to place himself in other peoples’ shoes. He is deeply spiritual, and knows that God is in control.
I’ve long felt Bugs got cheated on the attention, because Buzzard and Roo required so much. I tried desperately to make it up when I could. It’s been a wild roller coaster trying to parcel out who gets undivided attention at what time. Sometimes it feels like I’m just putting out fires all day. I hope he knows how much he is loved, and how important he is. For a long time he could sense the twin connection that Buzzard and Roo have, and wanted so much to have that connection as well. And my heart broke watching him struggle with it, watching him try to figure out what they had with each other that he did not have with either of them. Over time his very essence set into a person who could be his own without the need of someone else while still realizing that it’s good to have brothers.
He is very smart, but isn’t too keen on having to prove it to anyone, which can be good, or bad depending on the situation. Many have commented over the years that he seemed older than his actual age, and indeed he is just as comfortable with adults as he is with his peers.
I can’t believe he is 17. Where did the time go? I know every parent feels this way. During the journey, it seems to last forever, but in the blink of an eye it’s gone. It feels like a race to teach them everything you want them to know before they leave you. And you think you have such a long time–years really, to accomplish your goal. But then suddenly they are sleeping away at someone else’s house, going away to camp for a week, and then learning to drive. Then one day they are looking at girls in a different light, and then suddenly trying to decide where to go to college.
If Buzzard and Roo are the very breath of me, Bugs is the very soul of me. I wish for him every happiness as he traverses the world. Happy Birthday, baby.